so so so hard to believe that school is almost over! i have 28 school days left! yay! it makes me so happy to know that. but, at the same time, it scares the crap out of me. i'm not even close to being finished with everything i wanted to teach this year. i hope i do better next year.
eoi testing starts this week. i'm not gonna lie. i'm a little nervous. but i remember that it is my first year. they really can't compare me to anyone else. not that i'm really worried about it, but i just don't like failing. it's not something i like to do.
haha! so pretty much the entire student body thinks that i have some sort of hatred against samurais. it's a long story, but it's so funny. they didn't understand what i was upset about at all, but just the fact that they think i got so angry about samurais is funny now. haha!
still in the hole. still liking it. loving it actually. it's hard. really hard. but i don't want anything to change. which it will change. a lot. and that sucks. but at the same time, i think it'll be good for me to get some distance. i think. maybe it'll be worse. absence does make the heart grow fonder, right? we'll see. i just wish things would turn out like i want it to. but even what i want more than likely isn't what i need or what will be best for me. hmmm...
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
so..
wow. i can't believe the last time i wrote on here, i was just turning in my level 3! now, i'm 3/4 of the way finished with my first year of teaching. it's been one crazy year.
my mom (among other people) keeps telling me that i really need to write a book about the year i've had. it really has been insane. i mean, people told me it was going to be bad. i was prepared for it not to go smoothly. i knew the bad days would come. but, man, you've got to be kidding me with some of the stuff i've gone through! i thought my football incident was going to be THE story i told everyone about for the rest of my life, but no. it got a lot more interesting about a month ago. taking on 2 new classes one month into the second semester is not something i would advise to anyone. especially a first year teacher. it wasn't like it was my choice. she quit. someone had to teach those kids. some days i really don't think i'll be able to handle it. it's insane. but, i'm sticking with it. which tells me that even with all of the crap (and i mean CRAP) i've dealt with, i really am meant to teach. and after a particularly rough day (or week), i tell myself that. and it makes me feel better. a lot better.
p/t conferences tonight. it was pretty hard to see a parent be told that it'd probably be best if her son dropped out of school. i didn't say it, but i agreed. which i thought was something i would never ever do. it was nice to have a parent tell me that one of my freshmen students told his younger sister that she will love me next year. granted that parent is a good friend (and consequently could've made that up), but it was still nice to hear. then i heard from my mentor teacher that my boss(es) said that i've done a good job. that made my night. especially because i've felt SO inadequate since i'm now teaching 8 classes and i never feel like i'm getting anything accomplished.
i've dug myself into a hole. a really big hole. i knew i would. i tried to convince myself that i would be able to get out with no problems. but it's not happening. i don't know if it ever will happen. and to tell the truth, i'm not sure if i want to get out at this point. it's nice. in a really strange way. i keep telling myself it will get better, but surely it would have by now. right? i just keep finding things that are so good about it and look past the things are so wrong about it. it's gonna hit the fan eventually. and that's gonna suck. because i'll come out looking bad. horrible. there's absolutely no way around that. i just hope i'm not the only one. i'm not the only one who got myself into this mess. i don't want to point fingers, but it'll be about the only defense i've got. (and for anyone who's wondering, no it's not drugs or anything of the illegal sort. i'm definitely smarter than that! but, after reading this paragraph over, i'm sure it looks that way.)
anyway, on to other things. spring break! i'm excited. i don't care if i sit at home all week. it'll be nice to be away from high school for a week. i actually have quite a bit of stuff planned. football game. home to vici. road trip to who knows where (i think it's narrowed down to missouri or arkansas). i think now that i probably will regret not being able to just relax, but i'm telling myself i have the summer to do that! i'm getting my hair cut/colored tomorrow after p/t conferences. i don't know what i'm going to do, but i'm so tired of it looking the same. and it's a good way to start the break. i just hope i don't come out looking ridiculous!
my mom (among other people) keeps telling me that i really need to write a book about the year i've had. it really has been insane. i mean, people told me it was going to be bad. i was prepared for it not to go smoothly. i knew the bad days would come. but, man, you've got to be kidding me with some of the stuff i've gone through! i thought my football incident was going to be THE story i told everyone about for the rest of my life, but no. it got a lot more interesting about a month ago. taking on 2 new classes one month into the second semester is not something i would advise to anyone. especially a first year teacher. it wasn't like it was my choice. she quit. someone had to teach those kids. some days i really don't think i'll be able to handle it. it's insane. but, i'm sticking with it. which tells me that even with all of the crap (and i mean CRAP) i've dealt with, i really am meant to teach. and after a particularly rough day (or week), i tell myself that. and it makes me feel better. a lot better.
p/t conferences tonight. it was pretty hard to see a parent be told that it'd probably be best if her son dropped out of school. i didn't say it, but i agreed. which i thought was something i would never ever do. it was nice to have a parent tell me that one of my freshmen students told his younger sister that she will love me next year. granted that parent is a good friend (and consequently could've made that up), but it was still nice to hear. then i heard from my mentor teacher that my boss(es) said that i've done a good job. that made my night. especially because i've felt SO inadequate since i'm now teaching 8 classes and i never feel like i'm getting anything accomplished.
i've dug myself into a hole. a really big hole. i knew i would. i tried to convince myself that i would be able to get out with no problems. but it's not happening. i don't know if it ever will happen. and to tell the truth, i'm not sure if i want to get out at this point. it's nice. in a really strange way. i keep telling myself it will get better, but surely it would have by now. right? i just keep finding things that are so good about it and look past the things are so wrong about it. it's gonna hit the fan eventually. and that's gonna suck. because i'll come out looking bad. horrible. there's absolutely no way around that. i just hope i'm not the only one. i'm not the only one who got myself into this mess. i don't want to point fingers, but it'll be about the only defense i've got. (and for anyone who's wondering, no it's not drugs or anything of the illegal sort. i'm definitely smarter than that! but, after reading this paragraph over, i'm sure it looks that way.)
anyway, on to other things. spring break! i'm excited. i don't care if i sit at home all week. it'll be nice to be away from high school for a week. i actually have quite a bit of stuff planned. football game. home to vici. road trip to who knows where (i think it's narrowed down to missouri or arkansas). i think now that i probably will regret not being able to just relax, but i'm telling myself i have the summer to do that! i'm getting my hair cut/colored tomorrow after p/t conferences. i don't know what i'm going to do, but i'm so tired of it looking the same. and it's a good way to start the break. i just hope i don't come out looking ridiculous!
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